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Trust?

I’ve been seriously hurt so many times in the past by men in my life that it’s no suprise that I’ve developed some major trust issues along the way. Men I’ve had in my life from childhood on have managed to betray, hurt or take advantage of me in one form or another.

I’ve recently come to the realization that this has caused me to drag old baggage into my current relationship. I can’t communicate normally, I blow things way out of proportion and I have a very unstable sense of trust. Not on a trust issue of monogomy per say but more of an issue of I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop – the negative to arise. I’m waiting for the part where I get royally screwed…the status quo historically speaking.

I wish that I could be more trusting – Lord knows how that will happen – but I do hold on to the idea that someday I’ll be able to breathe easy in this relationship and not keep expecting disaster to be lurking just around the corner. It’s unfair to him that he has to deal with my instabilities and past issues. There has to be a way to come to terms with all that has gone on in my life and repair the damage that has been done.

Universe, bring on the healing….

Summer Break

Being the daughter of a teach meant spending a lot of time at the school during the summer while mom worked on preparing for the coming year. The halls were dark, quiet, cool and empty, still covered with displays of artwork from the previous year that haden’t been taken down. Desks were neatly lined up in the dark classrooms, books were set back on the shelves, and the teacher’s desks were neat and showed no trace of their usual chaotic state. Everything smelled of industrial lemon cleaner and potent wax that was used on the shiny tile hallways. The only noise to be heard was the sound of the cooling system kicking on and off. It was as if the entire building was frozen in time.

Lately I feel like my life is in summer break mode and soon the lights will come back on and the halls will fill up with life and laughter. I’m frozen in time but the clock never stops running and seems to be ticking by faster everyday.

I woke up this morning thinking about beauty routines…weird I know. I count my lucky stars that my mother wasn’t a huge “makeup” mom so I never got into the warpaint scene much as a kid. My beauty regieme is pretty basic, I use oatmeal based bar soap on my face and body and sometimes an apricot scrub as an exfoliant when I get dry. The face stuff has been pared down to a basic Ponds moisturizer, a small jar of undereye creme, a tube of mascara and a tube of the cherry Chapsitck. Easy math. My skin isn’t perfect but I’d rather bare it all then spend precious time in the morning trying to cover up the freckles and random pimples that make an appearance once in awhile.

And I’m happy with it, I’ve lost count the number of times that guys have told me that the reason they find me attractive is because I don’t wear makeup. I always end up pointing out the mascara but the response is always the same – “Yeah, but you can’t even tell.” while they gesture to the lady across the bar who is made up with the same amount of makeup as Mimi was in Drew Carrey.

But I know that a lot of women both young and old spend countless dollars and tons of time applying makeup and creams and all manner of “gunk” to themselves in the name of looking ‘hot’ or even by their definition ‘normal’. I’ve recently become aquainted with a group of young ladies who fall into this category. They are all beautiful, have great skin and have the benefit of youthful vigor on their side, yet they wear so much makeup and hair stuff that even when I see them on a Tuesday afternoon they appear to be heading to a night club!

I had the chance to observe the bathrooms of one such of these ladies and all I gotta say is holy hell! There were more bottles and potions and just stuff around on the sinks and shelves than I’d ever seen. God knows what most of it was for but I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed at the site of it all. It made me grateful that I had managed to simplify my routine, still look great and could fit all of my “girl junk” into a small basket on my sink.

“Beauty” like that is expensive and I always marvel at the cost that ladies go to for them to get the latest and greatest. In hard economic times such as these I can only hope that if women are looking for extra ways to save cash that they take a look at all the money they have on their face and realize that underneath all that money is a beautiful face that most likely doesn’t need to be covered up as much as they think. A clean bright face and a smile goes a very long way, and I have the phone numbers from guys to prove it. It’s nice to not stress about putting all that on and then carrying around all the touchup junk necessary to take a madeup face out into public.

I challenge you ladies, take a hard look at your vanity, learn to love your face without all the “extra” and you’ll be suprised at how much better you’ll begin to feel, how much money you save and how many more compliments you’ll get on the natural look you have because that natural look is hard to find these days and is greatly appreciated no matter what your age ;)

HeeHee

I’m a huge Mario Kart whore, and this is damn cute:

Well the day is almost over but today is my blogoversary! Ironically enough I’ve had plenty to say for four years but I’m trying write this post and I don’t really have much to say about it *chuckle*

It’s been a good time though – raised some money for charity, gave some cool stuff away and ranted and raved about all sorts of stupid crap. Here’s to another four years of filling the internet with my useless ramblings ;)

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