Is there any way to get a cat in heat to chill the fuck out?

I don’t think I can deal with this whole “ass up in the air, howling all the time” thing.

Especially not at 3am.

Some days animals are more trouble than they are worth…

This whole “having a job outside of the house” is really fuckin’ with my blogging time.

That is all….

You’ve prolly had it happen to you. You’re standing in the cereal aisle trying to decide what type of fiber bran will give you the best return for your money (if yaknow what I mean) when suddenly a three foot kid whizzes by you like a bat out of hell on their new-fangled roller shoes. You know the ones..the shoes with roller wheels inside. Basically glorified roller-skates…just in shoe form. Roller Shoes.

I. FUCKING. HATE. ROLLER. SHOES.

Seriously, what moron woke up one morning and thought-

“Gee-wiz, what can I invent today that will make small children even more annoying, dangerous, and hard to catch than they already are?”

I hope that person suffocates under all the money they’ve made off this bullshit. I think there should be mandatory driving roller-ing (?) tests for all kids before they are allowed to shove their little piggies into those damn things.

We need regulations people.

And don’t get me started on the insane parents that are actually buying these. I see them in the store aimlessly wandering about, fifteen minutes after their offspring flies by. They realize I’ve been victimized and give me a pathetic “I’m really really sorry…now please kill me.” look because their little Sammy ran over my foot while screaming like a banshee hopped up on a three day coke bender tearing around the stores like it’s a bloody fucking Icecapades show (now there’s a visual for ya).

They realize they’ve created a beast beyond their control. I have no pity for them…buying those are nothing but self-inflicted punishment. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to suit up in my protective body armor for a trip to the store — I’m outta fiber bran.

Things that are really pissing me off to no end today in no particular order:

-Taxes:
It’s ugly this year folks. Really ugly.

-Moochers:
Why do I still feel compelled to help total assholes out knowing I’ll get prolly screwed in the end?

-Our Home Owners ASS-ociation:
Those rat bastards get tons of money out of me every month, have an operating budget of well over half a million dollars and I have to PAY for a fucking key card for the pool? That shit should be included in all these other goddamn fees I’m paying. I can’t wait till we move the fuck outta here otherwise I’d be staging a full scale mutiny complete with a pirate ship and cannon.

-My Schedule:
Ok I ran my ass off at full speed for a few too many weeks now…when will this shit start to balance out?

Anything got your goat today?

I’m really not up for your shit anymore. Please adjust the hair in your ass, take some damn Midol, and shut the fuck up already. Your behavior doesn’t impress me, make me fear you, or cause me to think you’re super cool. It just makes me think you’re a big fat douche-bag. I don’t have time for people that act like you because I happen to have a life.

Please Remember o’ Bitchy Women:
-I don’t owe you anything.
-I don’t give a shit what you have, what you’ve done, or who you know.
-I don’t care how much better you THINK you are.

If I treated you like you treat me I can guaran-fuckin-tee that you’d just be oh so shocked and god knows it’d hurt your little feelers. Thank god I have respect for even the baggiest of hags.

So, do me a favor and just bother someone else with your dumb ass behavior.

kthxbai.

P.S. All you ladies who’ve shown me respect I’d like to thank you veeeeery muchness, I appreciate the fact that you’ve chosen to be adults

Can you give yourself a paper cut on your eye? And no — you don’t want to know why I’m asking.

…without my beloved Krispy Kreme doughnuts I just found out a few days ago that all of the Krispy Kreme locations here in Arizona have closed down. I now have to drive all the way to fucking Las Vegas to get an Original Glaze fix *sigh* And wouldn’t ya know it, as soon as I find out I can’t have them I have an overwhelming craving to devour a whole plate.

Go figure.

P.S. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

P.P.S. The movie Grilled with Ray Romano and Kevin James sucks ass.

P.P.P.S. I’m actually pretty pissed I wasted $4 on renting it.

P.P.P.P.S. I should have saved that money to help buy a ticket to fly to Vegas for a doughnut.

Oh the humanity!