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Today I smoked my last cigarette 
I’ve noticed lately I’m becoming more and more grossed out by my own smoking so it’s the perfect time to set it down and never look back. If other people want to light up more power to them but I personally want to save the $120 a month and quit getting bloody noses and headaches all the time…
I’m excited and optimistic about the whole thing and I know I can really do it…stubborn that way yaknow 
“I have to name you in my blog.”
“What?”
“I have to give you a name, yaknow an online one. I don’t use real names on my blog and since you’ll probably be blog fodder for me at some point I have to find something to call you so the people that read my stuff know I’m talking about you. I can’t just call you “the new boyfriend” forever, it’s too long and not really catchy.”
“Um.”
“Seriously, you gotta help me out here…this is really important.”
“Ok, well my friends used to call me ‘Harold T’, would that work?”
“Uh, no, that’s not quite what I’m going for. See my ex was known as ‘The Hotness’ in my writings, it’s gotta be catchy yaknow.”
“Well what about ‘Ferrrari’ since I’m like so exotic and sporty? Or ‘Horse’ ha ha?”
“No, no that won’t work…you’re killin’ me here…this is serious bloggin’ business dude.”
“In college when I was playing baseball they used to call me ‘Kranker’ because of my hitting a lot of home runs…”
“That makes you sound like a drug addict. I can’t have you sounding like that…jesus…my mother reads this thing!”
“What about ‘Frank n’ Beans’?”
“Uh no, why don’t we just put this on the back burner…think about it some more and get back to me would you?”
“Ok. But I still think Frank n’ Beans is pretty funny…”
——-
So as you can see by the above conversation between the new boyfriend and I the jury is still out on naming naming him…but as soon as we can come up with something that doesn’t make him sound like a 90-year old drug addict, barnyard animal, or a cheap meal you eat because you’re broke before payday I’ll do an intro post so you all can meet him
Here’s just a hypothetical *cough*true story*cough* situation…
Say I meet you for the first time and let’s just say you tell me you’re a “hacker”.
And so in JEST I snarkily (it’s a word! No? Ok.) reply
“Oh, so you uh, like, know how to hack Gibsons?”
And you say “Yes.”
And you’re actually serious.
It kinda tips me off that you’re NOT a “hacker”.
And it’s a pretty good bet the conversation is going to halt right there.
And I’m going to pee my pants from laughing so hard.
—
It boggles my mind that people still watch that damn movie and BELIEVE it.
As much as it pains me I must send in my stupid taxes today. I hope your tax day is going to be better
In other news:
I’ve been MIA again because The Hotness’s daughter Missy is getting married in 3 weeks and we have to pull a wedding together by then (no small feat).
It couldn’t get any more fun right?
It’s the end of January and I still find myself re-gifting stuff from Christmas. Yes, we still have packages showing up on our doorstep. What can I say? Either we’re really loved people or some of our friends totally forgot to send out our gifts until after the ho-ho-holidays had passed.
Now I hate to say what I’m about to because it makes me sound pretty ungrateful but either way some folks should really quit while they are ahead. Please take my advice on this: If you don’t know what to get us ask someone we know, they’ll help you.
Today’s candidate for the mighty re-gift is brought to you by “The Department of Useless Shit” in cooperation with the fine people at “You Obviously Don’t Know Me Very Well, Inc.”
What.
The.
Fuck.
When The Hotness and I opened this up today there was a moment of total silence where I swear the hamsters in our heads were spinning like mad to think of why someone would purchase this for us. Neither one of us speaks Yiddish, and we don’t recall writing any poetry or having a desire to start…especially Yiddish Poetry. (Which coincidently, we didn’t know Yiddish Poetry even existed till today.)
To tell you the truth the only Yiddish to ever come out of the mouths in this house is an extremely occasional “Oy Vey!” and it’s said about as un-Yiddishly and un-poetically as possibly. We finally decided it was because The Hotness is a Jew…
Yiddish Poetry *giggle*
Anyway, if you haven’t already blocked it out of your memory:
What kind of weird re-gift-worthy shit did y’all get for Christmas this year?
———————-
*K’vetsh=Complainer (I actually had to use a Yiddish dictionary for that shit and no I don’t know how to pronounce it)
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