It’s May already eh? Today was one of those “I have a bubble around my head filled with static noise” days. That’s the easiest way to describe it I guess *chuckle* Our weekend was insane as usual. The Red Bull Flugtag was pretty good (Mills Ave. still is shitty for traffic; you’d think after 20 years in AZ I’d just accept it and stop driving down there altogether). The Hotness who had gotten well got a bit of food poisoning on Sunday so I had to drive down to Sierra Vista to take care of business by myself. He’s completely better now, thanks to all the well wishers

Since I totally missed doing the Day o’ Stats for April I’ll just give you the weirdest searches that showed up here for last month:

-Whitney Houston Farts
(What. The. Fuck.)

-Women stepping on house bugs
(I actually find this one kinda offensive…sheesh.)

-Bug eating stump
(So they are looking for a stump that eats bugs…no? I dare not let my imagination get the better of me on this one folks.)

-Disco Valley
(I seem to have misplaced my leisure suit)

-The kiss bug is it deadly to people?
(Otherwise known as Mono…dirty rotten whores…and yes it can be in some cases. Judging by the poor grammatical structure of your search term you should spend less time with your tongue in someone’s throat and more time in school learning shit.)

-Old Indian Sayings
(I never want to disappoint, here’s a bonified Old Indian Saying: “Bug, bring me another beer.” This was said to me on many occasions by an old indian guy –the father of my good friend in high school– who lived on the reservation not far from us. He said it a lot so I suppose it was one of those very important sayings passed down from generation to generation in the true Native spirit of wisdom …yeah.

-Big fucking cork
(As opposed to the little fucking cork?)

-Adjusting to suburban living
(You came to the wrong place for that shit honey. I’m still trying to figure out how to carry out a super stealth counter-strike on our neighborhood Avon lady who keeps leaving shit on my door step.)

-Wrangler butts
(…drive me nuckin’ futs too! I did a Google Image search for the above because I wanted to put a picture in for the ladies. Much to my surprise on the second page of the results I found The Hotness’s picture that I had posted here sometime back *chuckle*)

It’s that time of the month again…and no I don’t need any Midol kthx. Let’s cut to the chase shall we because the Buggie is still feeling kinda…well…Buggie:

Reporting Dates- 03/01/06-03/31/06

-Unique visitors- 883

-Number of visits- 2193

-Day with Most Visits- On the 25th 124 of ya’s showed up here
(Methinks it had something to do with this)

-Highest Visitor Number from Non-English Speaking Country- Switzerland takes the cake with 98

-Average Visit Time- 9 Minutes and 45 Seconds

-Highest Used Visitor Operating System- Windows with 78.9%

-Highest Used Visitor Browser- IE with 42.6 %, FF at 34.5 %

-Highest Traffic from External Link- Bunny’s Babblings link to AIS sent over 62 people

Search Results
-16 for Nick Hubbard Jewellery
(get it here)

-3 for “bugs bunny on crack”
(Is nothing sacred anymore? I can understand a search for say–Whitney Houston on crack…but Bugs Bunny? C’mon.)

-3 for “stupid people never cease to amaze me”
(Me either buddy, get used to it.)

-3 for the IP address “213.33.239.9″ which I so gracefully condemmed to banned hell.
(Apparently this particular spammer gets around. What a dirty rotten whore.)

-2 for “intext smelling farts”
(What. The. Fuck.)

-2 for “boarhog upholstery”
(Folks, there’s no accounting for taste in this world–really.)

-1 for “indian bedroom jokes”
(As opposed to the ever-popular indian kitchen jokes?)

-1 for “you must believe in summer”
(Oh I must? What if I want to believe in winter instead? Then what?)

-1 for “i m an asshole”
(Why yes, yes you are.)

-1 for “summer love - damn 5 - remember 2 summer love”
(I have no idea what this is, any suggestions? I’m guessing it’s some sort of teeny-bopper wind-talker bullshit that I’m to old to even begin to comprehend. That or…well I dunno.)

-1 for “tviokh”
(Erm, ok. I quit.)

Pre-Post Note: Yesterday while looking over the visitor statistics for AIS I got a helluva chuckle. Then I realized my statistics alone are worth a post for themselves. So, from this day forward on the last day of every month come hell or highwater AIS will have a Day o’ Stats! Can you feel the excitement? Can you? I can. So, anyway….by the power vested in me by the mighty Awstats program I officially declare today Day o’ Stats!

-Reporting Dates- 02/01/06-02/28/06

-Unique visitors- 751
(jeez there’s a lot of lurkers here…I’d better stop walking around in a towel!)

-Number of visits- 1437
(or mebbe they keep comin back because of the towel…)

-Day with Most Visits- On the 20th 106 of you showed up here
(and I forgot to put out the cheese and crackers–my bad)

-Hour with Most Overall Visits- The nine o’clock morning hour was most popular with 366 of the total monthly visits
(shouldn’t you fuckers be at like work or something?)

-Highest Visitor Number from Non-English Speaking Country- Germany 35
(Dank zum Lesen meines Blogs. If I said that wrong or insulted your cat/mother/next door neighbor blame these guys)

-Average Visit Time- 6.816666666666666667 Minutes
(I have noting witty to say about this but hang on because the search results list is comin’ up and it’s shocking!)

-Highest Used Visitor Operating System- Windows with 83%
(Gates is takin over the world yo…fo shizzle)

-Highest Used Visitor Browser- IE with 44.8%, FF at 39.3%
(*evil chuckle* FF is catching up)

-Highest Traffic from External Link- Bunny’s Babblings link to AIS sent over 59 people
(kick ass! thanks girl!)

Search Results
-15 people showed up here looking for ‘nick hubbard jewellery’
(get it here)

-12 people were trying to find ‘indian ass fuckers’
(sorry to disappoint the anal community…I just say fuckers a lot)

-14 people were on a quest for ‘Everclear lyrics’

-3 people were lookin’ for ‘indian super butt’
(Does anyone else get the mental image of a little butt wearing a cape?)

-4 folks ended up here via ’shortest word with a b c d e f’

-2 searches for ‘how about a nice big cup’
(…of shut the fuck up?)

-1 lost fucker was trying to find ‘indian meet with peas’
(would you like fries with that?)

- 1 search for ‘indian dentist porn’
(dude, someone likes the dentist a little TOO much)

- 1 idiot was trying to find out ‘how to snort aspirin’
(I’m not sure what that’s all about–snort Coke just like everyone else man–seriously)

-1 person was looking for ‘photos of sheepshit’
(all I gotta say is EWE gross! *chuckle*)

Ok enough of that…there’s tons more but you and I both must get back to work now. Here’s to a lovely March–Cheers!