It’s Like…Grocery Derby
You’ve prolly had it happen to you. You’re standing in the cereal aisle trying to decide what type of fiber bran will give you the best return for your money (if yaknow what I mean) when suddenly a three foot kid whizzes by you like a bat out of hell on their new-fangled roller shoes. You know the ones..the shoes with roller wheels inside. Basically glorified roller-skates…just in shoe form. Roller Shoes.
I. FUCKING. HATE. ROLLER. SHOES.
Seriously, what moron woke up one morning and thought-
“Gee-wiz, what can I invent today that will make small children even more annoying, dangerous, and hard to catch than they already are?”
I hope that person suffocates under all the money they’ve made off this bullshit. I think there should be mandatory driving roller-ing (?) tests for all kids before they are allowed to shove their little piggies into those damn things.
We need regulations people.
And don’t get me started on the insane parents that are actually buying these. I see them in the store aimlessly wandering about, fifteen minutes after their offspring flies by. They realize I’ve been victimized and give me a pathetic “I’m really really sorry…now please kill me.” look because their little Sammy ran over my foot while screaming like a banshee hopped up on a three day coke bender tearing around the stores like it’s a bloody fucking Icecapades show (now there’s a visual for ya).
They realize they’ve created a beast beyond their control. I have no pity for them…buying those are nothing but self-inflicted punishment. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to suit up in my protective body armor for a trip to the store — I’m outta fiber bran.
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nobs said:
on April 24, 2007 at 3:33 pm
I love geeks. I’m in Arizona, too. Cute blog.
BigSis said:
on April 24, 2007 at 3:53 pm
I see you’re back and in rare form. Love it!
Graceheart said:
on April 24, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Yeah!
The one with a unique perspective on our collective lives is back!
Pass the bran!
Erika said:
on April 24, 2007 at 8:51 pm
oh my….i am soooo with you. I just about got clobbered yesterday at the store. I just don’t get it….funny that these kids can go rolling around grocery stores, but yet can’t get themselves outside and playing expending energy….wonder if they are wired that way to drive us bonkers…argggg, lol…always fun to visit your bog.
jane said:
on April 24, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Heh, my word verification is: bugrocks! And yanno? You rock bug!
Man, you’ve hit on a pet peeve of mine. I fucking hate those things & would love to trip some of those snotty nose little bastards so they fall & flatten their huge shnoz they inherited!!
What type of idiotic diabolical parent would let their child wear these things in a market is beyond me. It just goes to prove: stupit people shouldn’t breed!
It’s gonna take a lawsuit against the parents & markets to get these little fuckers out of the stores.
hmmm…I wonder if they have cameras watching what we do to ‘em. (I wonder if they’d care)
ps…I hope your mom doesn’t read this. I know she doesn’t like cussing.
Graceheart said:
on April 25, 2007 at 5:51 am
ahh…my word is love…
ahh…Graceheart IS Mom!
Big cheesy grin to Jane…
uhhh…how’d I get so famous?
Mom
RisibleGirl said:
on April 25, 2007 at 10:13 am
But, but… are they OK for adults? I REALLY want a pair. Can you imagine how quickly I could clean my house in a pair of those?
Raven said:
on April 25, 2007 at 11:46 am
I’ve heard that they are actually recalling those skate shoes cuz they are so dangerous.
Great blog, I’ll be back!
Raven
Marti said:
on April 25, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Oh lordie, I hear ya! I ’bout got plowed under by one of those little boogers!
Thanks for an entertaining post!
Amy said:
on April 25, 2007 at 4:28 pm
WOW Bug… I thought WE were supposed to have a positive effect on the older dude - not the older dude having a negative effect on us.
Bran? Oh man.
Still… the roller shoes… I’ve never been clobbered by one of the little bastards but I have been freaked when out of the corner of my eye it appears that some freaky little twirp is “floating” down the aisle at Target.
John said:
on April 25, 2007 at 4:35 pm
I….HATE……THOSE……THINGS……
They’re called Heelies and I really really hate them. I work in retail and you don’t know how many times a kid will roll by on those stupid skates and I just want to yell at them to walk on your two feet, not roll…this isn’t a skate rink.
Michael said:
on April 25, 2007 at 6:54 pm
I wonder if the kids are damaging their legs scooting along with their legs at the angles they have to have them to get the wheels on them shoes to work.
Strained or torn ligaments if they are not careful.
Canopenner said:
on April 26, 2007 at 6:32 am
My children are much better behaved than that.
Thanks for making me feel like a good parent.
:^)
ANO said:
on April 26, 2007 at 3:31 pm
I couldn’t have said it better myself! I hate those damn shoes!
Starboard Tack said:
on April 26, 2007 at 7:28 pm
So far, I have managed to resist the constant pleas from my daughters for the roller skating shoes.
However, the pleading continue, and I am not sure how long I can hold out … I may have to break down, and give in.
Anne said:
on April 27, 2007 at 7:36 am
Hey knock em to the ground, blame it on the wheels if caught, those wheels come off. I didn’t know that but someone told me they are made so the parents can dewheel the kid.