It’s Really Wonderful Now
My parents divorced when I was six years old. It was a nasty divorce and the legal battles continue even to this day. It’s amazing after almost 15 years they still haven’t sorted their problems out. It was and has been a very dark time for our whole family for a very long time. The massive anger between my mother and father is pretty mind blowing.
My parents continued to rage against each other both legally, verbally and physically for years to come. For almost 10 years they couldn’t even be in the same room with each other because they couldn’t contain themselves. But this isn’t about my mother and father. This is about me.
On July 11, 2000 the band Everclear released the album “Songs From An American Movie-Vol. One:Learning How To Smile”. On this album was a song called “Wonderful”. Some of you may know it, others not. The first time I heard this song I totally lost it. Out of nowhere I started crying and screaming like hells demons were after me. The lyrics described me to a ‘T’. It was hard having a mirror shoved in front of my face suddenly like that. After that I couldn’t listen to that song without crying. It hit a very raw nerve somewhere every single time. It didn’t matter if I was in public or not…the tears just ran.
Within the last few years my parents –although still legally trying to out-do the other– have become much more family friendly. They behave themselves when they are around each other. There are no more scenes or yelling matches. They just stay in their respective corners and be cordial. Things are better now. Much better than 5 years ago, sooo much better than 10 years ago.
The reason for this whole post is because today I heard “Wonderful” come on. And I didn’t cry, fuck I didn’t even feel the tiniest bit sad throughout the whole song. I think somewhere along the line I’ve finally grown past the hurt and am now totally at peace with myself. And that’s absolutely wonderful.
Click on the More link to view the full lyrics to “Wonderful”
“Wonderful” -Everclear
“Hey, ain’t life wonderful? Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful… Isn’t it wonderful now?”
I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it’s over when I open themI want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful againHope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cryClose my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful somedayPromises mean everything when you’re little
And the world’s so big
I just don’t understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful nowPlease don’t tell me everything is wonderful now
I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it’s all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won’t know
When the bell rings I just don’t wanna go homeGo to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don’t believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful somedayPromises mean everything when you’re little
And the world is so big
I just don’t understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful nowNo
No, I don’t wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I don’t wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful nowI don’t wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I don’t wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I don’t wanna meet your friends
And I don’t wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now…I don’t wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now.
Who is currently: 
![[Valid RSS]](http://www.anindiansummer.net/photos/valid-rss.png "Validate my RSS feed")
Melissa said:
on January 14, 2006 at 8:45 am
Awww Bug. *tight hug*
I’m the product of a divorce, so I know kind of how you feel. My kids are also a product of divorce. It’s a vicious cycle. So they say.
I never wanted my kids to have the kid of life that I did, but sadly ‘they’ were right, it repeats itself. Hmmm. Scary ain’t it? I sometimes wish I would have made better decisions, but I can’t undo nothing. *shrugs*
Hugs, Mellie
Sis said:
on January 14, 2006 at 11:31 pm
Sweet Child…I am happy for you. This is a giant step forward. To NOT be ruled by what I’ve named “the givens” is a bliss of sorts. We all have them–we all must deal with them as best we can. You ARE strong…always have been.
Bunny said:
on January 15, 2006 at 10:37 am
*HUGS*
Good for you, Bug. They say that time heals all wounds, I’m glad it healed yours.
Jade said:
on January 17, 2006 at 6:48 am
Isn’t it freeing when you realize there is no longer pain associated, and feeling free has taken over? Good for you girl!