#&*($#% Dish Network

So, my whole life I’ve been able to count the number of channels that we’ve had on one hand. When I was little we were literally living out in middle of nowhere where they didn’t run cable. We had an antenna. We. Had. Three. Channels.

That’s right, three. PBS, CBS, NBC. That was all. And I was blissfully happy with those. Grew up and in every house afterwards we still had at any given time a maximum of 5 channels. In high school we had two. The “Jesus Channel” (TBN?) and ABC. And would you believe it I didn’t mind one little bit.

Anyway, Rich has Dish Network…the remote to operate the little black box looks like a control panel for a 747 Super-Duper-Jumbo-Jet. I’ve learned thus far how to turn it on and off and how to open the screen guide that makes a total of like 987 channels available for my viewing pleasure.

Except I have one problem, I can’t hardly see the guide and most of the time everything is abbreviated so I’m not really sure what the hell it is I’m looking at (which caused one brief embarrassing moment where I saw the word Cowgirl in the title and it turned out to be MULTIPLE cowgirls, who had ALL seemed to forgotten their duds and had an odd penchant for horses). Anyway, It takes me a good 15 minutes to get through the guide….most of it is shit I wouldn’t watch anyway, so by the time I find something worth watching it’s generally just about over.

Apparently I’m over the top with my ideas on just what this thing should be doing. Yesterday while scrolling (and scrolling, and scrolling) through the channel guide I turned to Rich and asked if there was a way to edit the guide to show only channels that I’d want to watch. Because after all one can only scroll through so many “Spanish” channels before they want to don a sombrero and brandish the remote around like Zoro. Apparently this is not an option. But I can however set the t.v. to wake me up, put me to sleep and listen to Easy Rock at any given second of the day.

Don’t get me going on the user manual that came with it, it’s about the size of my high school algebra textbook. And oddly enough just as I failed algebra I have a funny little feeling I’m not ever going to be able to whiz around the ol’ boob tube with any sort of grace either.

*sigh* I miss my antenna.

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 15th, 2005 at 6:08 pm and is filed under Buggie Goodness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.