Strange Bedfellows

Now before I start this I want to make sure that you are aware that I am a self admitted bed lover. I could stay in my comfy bed all day…in fact before real life hit that’s what I used to do…just lay there, eat, read all day or play on my laptop…

I’ve never been a huge fan of sharing my bed with anyone, although once me and Josh moved in together naturally it was assumed we would be sleeping together. At first I won’t lie, I was excited about it. I thought mabey it would be like those mattress commercials where the couple shares the same blanket, stays on their separate sides of the bed or spoons while looking blissfully at peace.

Holy shit was I wrong.

I’ve found a few things about myself and my sleeping style that have been made sharply apparent to me since having a sleeping partner. Like the thing where my pillow has to be just so, my blankets have to be just so, I have to have music playing, and I have to have the middle of the bed. Well, all that went out the bedroom window once Josh took up residence in the same bed with me.

Enter Problem #1:
We have a full sized bed (not a queen, not a king..just a full). I am 5′6 1/2″ and Josh is 6′1″. We aren’t excatally short people. Not to mention Josh now weighs in at 201 lbs. which gives him a belly (sexy eh?). However, the belly is a problem in itself. Back to what I was talking about…we’re a tall couple…the bed is apparently not made for folks of our stature to say the least…which means if we don’t want our little feetzers hangin off the end we have to go into the fetal position.

Enter Problem #2:
Once in that said fetal position there is a dramatic space shift, since my height and weight (130 if yer wondering, I am proud) make me into a string bean of a person me turning on my side isn’t a huge space sucker. BUT when Josh turns on his side we have a problem. Enter the BELLY OF DOOM. His body windes up taking the entire bed up leaving me with a sliver of mattress to do my snoozing on. Which totally isn’t cool. So I never really fall totally asleep because I have to keep somewhat aware of my position so that I don’t take that horrific plunge to the hard floor below. I have a few times and it sucks.

Enter Problem #3:
I’m a quite sleeper. And yes I’ve had plenty of people tell me that. I don’t snore, kick, move around a lot…etc. Everyonce in awhile I’ll talk in my sleep…but that’s usually, and oddly enough after I’ve eaten BBQ chicken for dinner. Don’t ask, I have not a clue as to why…universal mystery. Anyway, I’m a peaceful sleeper. Josh however isn’t. And in many ways. He snores (loudly), talks (loudly) and rolls around to his hearts content….every….single….night. Now I prefer to sleep on my back, Josh on his side…usually with his front facing me. So that his head in right near my ear. I get front row, upclose, and rather personal seats to a nightly serenade of hacks, snores, wheezy breathing…the works. Not excatally the music that I’m so fond of…

Enter Problem #4:
The blanket situation. We started out with one blanket for the both of us. Heh. Yeah, that lasted for…well…mabey a week. He’d roll over and suddenly I’d pop my eyes open because a draft was fluttering over me…and forget trying to take some of it back…that would only induce a groggy mini-battle where I being smaller lost out. So, logic says…get another blanket…one for each…heh. As smart as it seems it still is rendered useless against his “super-dooper-blanket-stealing-powers”. We have to take a step back from this situation and look at it outside of the immediate logic. If there is one blanket on the bed that he steals, and you put another blanket on that bed then that means there are now TWO blankets which are able to be stolen. And boy howdy does he. So once again I’m not sleeping at full capacity due to the fact that at any moment I’ll have to “go to the mattresses”** for my blanket. (**line from The Godfather for you non movie types)

Enter Problem #5:
I don’t like to be constricted while I sleep. And Josh likes to hold me…throw an arm/leg over me…which would be fine if I wasn’t claustrophobic. So those groovy mattress commercials where the man is spooning with the woman and she looks oh-so-blissed out…that is not me. I flip out. I try pushing him off…no dice…he’s too heavy…and won’t wake up. So I have to shove him off…which wakes him up and then he’s pissy because I had the audacity to wake his ass up!

There are many other little nit-picks I could go on here with. But those are my major ones. Single people, rejoice that you have a bed to yourself and enjoy it for me please!

Now for my question for you! What is the most annoying thing for you when you are sleeping with another person?

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 12th, 2005 at 4:31 pm and is filed under Buggie Goodness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.