A Little Worn..

So, it’s been a long day…hell a long year. I’m ready for 2005, ready for a fresh start, ready for change. I’ve been subject to all sorts of shit both on and offline, and I’m tired of it. I don’t want to play anymore, just want to snatch up my marbles and go “home”. *snort*

Hence this post.

I was thinking today that if I had a nickle for every asprin I’ve taken this year I’d be one rich bitch. Is my want to do nice things over bearing my need for peace and simplicity? Is my kindness to others destroying my kindness to myself?

I looked in the mirror today and saw a tired shell. And it scared me. No amount of eye cream can get rid of the bags I have. And I have to stop and wonder if it’s really worth it…

I love my work, don’t get me wrong, my hosting is the only thing that keeps me happy, it’s the added stress of me thinking that I can help everyone else and be everything that is tearing my insides apart. I should focus on the things that I need to do and quit worrying about helping others suceed…if they want it bad enough they will work just as hard as I do.

I don’t understand why I feel obligated to help others who have treated me like shit. Hell why do I feel obligated to help anyone at all? My own damn family can’t even appreciate my deeds.

I’m just so pissed off at everything right now this post is more of a rant than anything…and it’s not directed at anyone in particular, I just need to get this off my chest.

And please do me a favor if you are reading this, do not email me or call me trying to help or console me, I don’t want to hear it…I have two people that I speak to for that and they are doing a fine job. Not to be a bitch but no thanks.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 27th, 2004 at 5:14 am and is filed under Pissy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.